funny things dutch says

conversing with my 2-year-old (26 months if you wanna be real anal about it) son dutch is so much fun these days. half of the time i don’t have a clue what he’s saying because he tends to make up words as fillers to describe what he’s talking about when he doesn’t know the real words. then other times it’s so clear and crisp and dead-on.

and can i just say that my child is the bossiest little 2-year-old dictator EVER? i don’t know where he gets this stuff from. he has the craziest facial expressions to go along with all of his bossiness too.

anyway, here’s mr. “boss of nothing” (as i like to call him):

mama to daddy: [daddy had said something really silly.] hahaha… shut up, you are so silly!!

dutch: mama, don’t say ‘shut-up, daddy.’

mama: you’re so right! i’m sorry, daddy, for saying shut up.

daddy: that’s right, man, you tell her!

dutch to daddy: [with the best crooked grin ever.] shut up, daddy.

mama: dutch, you just told me not to say shut up and now you’re saying it to daddy. tell daddy you’re sorry.

dutch to mama: shut up, mama.

***

mama: i’m happy, dutch, are you happy?

dutch: no, i don’t want it.

***

dutch: mama, come here!

mama: what, dutch?

dutch: don’t say ‘what, dutch?’ say ‘yes, dutch.’

lesson here: you know, when you teach a kid something it’s important that you also follow through on your own rules ’cause you know, it kinda sucks to be corrected by a 2-year-old.

***

we were at my grandmother’s house recently and we’ve been trying to get dutch to call her “great”… you know, short for great-grandmother. but he has his own ideas.

great: here, i have some coloring books for you.

dutch: thank you, auntie.

***

i was changing his diaper recently and i guess he didn’t feel that i hadn’t done a good job at wiping.

dutch: mama, wipe here!

mama: [continuing to wipe more because well, his cleanliness is important and if he doesn’t feel clean then what’s the use, right?] okaaaayyyy… i thought i was done.

dutch: okay, enough!

sometimes i feel like i work for him. i’m ready to ask for a raise.

***

it’s now really dark out when i pick dutch up from daycare and we’re not out driving around at night much so i told him i wanted to show him the moon once we parked at home.

mama: dutch, i want to show you the moon when we get out of the car. don’t you want to see the moon?

dutch: mama, moon right there. [pointing to bright neon sign that says “select auto imports.”]

mama: no baby, that’s not the moon. that’s a sign.

dutch: oh, sign.

mama: the moon is in the sky. you know, like the sun is in the sky.

dutch: inna ki [ki = sky. we’re working on the whole “sk” sound thing and we’re not quite there yet.] i don’t wan’ see moon, i wan’ go daddy.

he’d rather see his daddy than the moon. okay, i can dig it. daddies are important. and much more important than the moon.

mama: well, you’re going to see daddy, but i want to show you the moon first before we go in the house.

dutch: [now yelling.] i don’t wan’ see moon!! i wan’ go daddy!!!!

mama: well, honey, you can see the moon and daddy…

dutch: [still yelling.] i wan’ see daddddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!

so we get out of the car and you can’t even see the freakin’ moon because it was so darn cloudy out.

mama: i’ll show you the moon at another time.

dutch: [looking up at the sky.] i wan’¬†go daddy.

okay, you won this one, buddy.

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