Category Archives: the dutch files

children make life so…interesting! read on.

the snake that keeps growing & growing

dutch and i were in rite aid when he picked up a toy snake and asked if he could have it. at first i told him no, but when i realized it was 50% off and only two bucks i went on ahead and told him okay.

when we got in the car dutch said that we needed to put the thing in water. huh?? why does a toy snake need water?

i probably should’ve paid more attention to the packaging when dutch tossed it up on the counter so i could pay for it. you know, the part of the packaging RIGHT THERE ON THE FRONT with the kid holding a gigantic snake up and the part that said when you put the snake in water for five days it grows to over four feet long!


silly mama.

toy snake that grows


he’s so sporty

dutch is not quite seven years old yet, his birthday is next month, but he’s had an active little sports life so far.

first we had him take a swim lesson when he was about three. it was a mommy & me kinda class and every week we’d get in the pool and play games and try to execute the little lessons the instructor planned. but ultimately, dutch failed swim class. the teacher was all apologetic and whatnot, but geesh, can you really fail a three-year-old in swim class? well, i guess you can if the end result means your child could drown all because you thought he deserved a swim certificate when really he just flopped around in the pool during each class and barely wanted to put his face in the water.

so anyway, then we moved onto to tennis…and soccer. pretty much at the same time. don’t ask me why. child, i was just so eager to have dutch in something ’cause isn’t that what parents do these days? put their kids in stuff?

in tennis dutch wasn’t the most focused kid on the court and at one point the coach said, “you just want to do your own thing, do you think this is” which i’m sure totally confused my child since he didn’t know what the heck a .com was at the time.

then onto soccer where at least dutch got to get his forrest gump on and run like a nut, only a couple times he didn’t quite know when to stop. probably because it was british soccer and the coaches’ accents totally threw his little three-year-old brain for a loop. he hardly understood what they asking him to do half the time.

silly mommy.

things changed when we signed him up for t-ball though. my boy would get out on the field and put on his serious game face. he hit the ball and ran the bases like a five-year-old pro. he got the first team ball and his coach felt that he was such a strong player that he should play the next year.

but t-ball was too slow of a sport for dutch, you know, with all that standing around in the outfield. he needed action! so onto basketball it was. first we signed him up for a basketball primer to learn the basics and then it was time to play for a team. let me tell you something, my child may not have been the star player, but as the youngest kid on the team he proved he had heart. when other kids would fall or get frustrated and cry, dutch kept his game face on throughout the entire game. he never let them see him sweat. we were so proud every time he even got his hands on the ball. making the shot was the icing on the cake.

and now it’s football season. he’s had his heart set on playing for the past two years after seeing his older cousin play. i wasn’t too happy about his excitement to play to be completely honest because i didn’t want to see my baby get hurt. and to be really, really, really honest i quietly hoped that his enthusiasm would wane. but nope! all he talked about (literally) day and night before camp was football.

he’s already completed two weeks of football camp where for 2 hours a day, five days he week he exercised and learned a bit about the game and now it’s preseason. for about a month, 2 hours a day, five days a week more we hit the hot football field and sweat like…well, people sitting in the direct sun on a hot field.

but dutch has been beyond stoked! he’s rockin’ his full football gear now, adjusting to the tightness of the helmet, buckling his own shoulder pads, double knotting his own cleats. thankfully he’s finally over the newness of his cup and is no longer asking if he can wear it around the house so that when our dog charlie jumps on his lap it won’t hurt because, well, that would just be weird.

out on the field and in his uniform he’s looking like a pro. well, a mini one anyway. tackling (a bit reluctantly ’cause it’s still new to him) his buddies and not complaining a bit about running laps with all that heavy equipment on in the summer heat.

i’m impressed by his tenacity. his willingness to keep playing even after complaining one evening that i should’ve signed him for flag football instead. when i told him he couldn’t give up, he said, “okay, but i’m just playing this year and then never again.” i’m sure he’ll change his mind though. after basketball ended he said he retired, but yet he’s eager to play in the upcoming season.

i have a feeling we’re going to be on a court, field or track for many years to come with this one.

dutchisms: am i american?

so this evening my dear 6yo son dutch had a question for me…

dutch: mom, am i american?

mama: no, dutch, you’re japanese (because honestly, i thought it was a pretty ridiculous question, since he knows he’s american).

dutch: [getting loud & super whiny all of a sudden…] i AM NOT japanese!!!! if i was japanese i would speak SPANISH!!

kids. gotta love ’em.

spelling is in his blood

okay, that title was a bit dramatic, but boy was i one happy mama when i received a letter from dutch’s school stating that he was one of two students in his 1st grade class who qualified for the school spelling bee!

woohoooooooo!!! i was in a couple spelling bees in elementary school and won ribbons so i was pretty dang proud.

then i saw the list of words. since this was a school spelling bee the words weren’t just for 1st graders. in fact, they were 5th thru 8th grade words! the school sent home a list of 450 words to study and it included words like expressionism, extemporaneous, circumloctution, dramaturgy, slantindicular…

what the hairy heck?

we had less than a month to prepare for this thing and honestly, i didn’t even concentrate on the tougher words. for goodness sakes, my child is 6, what does he know about slantindicular?

so we practiced and practiced and initially dutch was excited about the possibility of winning a ribbon, but as the spelling bee drew nearer he said, “mom, i’m not going to win this thing.” i told him that i was proud of him for even making it to the spelling bee at all! my husband and i just wanted him to do his best and to have fun.

the day of the spelling bee, dutch said he wanted to wear his bowtie. and this is not just any ol’ bowtie. it’s a black velvet bowtie, but i love that he wants to do his own thing sometimes and not follow the crowd so i just went with it. we took tons of pictures and he videotaped himself. he was super excited about the day.

as if you couldn’t tell by the pictures. 🙂

my husband and i went to the spelling bee and we were nervous as heck as he stepped up to the mic to spell his first word.


whew!! they started off with the easy words. i was hoping that he’d at least make it through the first round. score! then came the second round and honey, it was a beast. wiped out most of the 1st graders. dutch stepped to the mic once again…


boom!! all i do is win win win no matter what… yeah, i was dancing in my seat!

there were only two 1st graders left for the third round and dutch was the first up…


as if my child knows what a daggone thermos is, but hey, he sounded that sucka out and did the best he could. we were mighty proud of him and his school principal said the same.

and can i just say everyone loved his black velvet bowtie? one teacher said to me, “he might not’ve won the spelling bee, but he definitely wins for most fashionable.”

all i do is win win win no matter what…

cursive words

dutch and i had an interesting little convo recently that went like this…

dutch: when i grow up can i get a cat?

mama: when you grow up you can get whatever you want.

dutch: oh great! when i grow up i can write and say cursive words!!

mama: cursive words?? what do you mean? [knowing full well what he meant, but i wanted to hear him explain himself.]

dutch: you know how you write like this… [“writes” with finger on the on the couch and makes swirls] and i get to SAY cursive words!!

mama: what are cursive words, dutch?

dutch: you know, like the “d” word, the “h” word…

dutch & mama walk for autism speaks

on saturday dutch and i headed out bright and early to the national mall in dc to meet up with some friends for the autism speaks walk. we got down there around 8:40am-ish and our friends got there…well, just a little later (read: 9:40am-ish. we still love them though). after a while of waiting for them to arrive, dutch got a little concerned.

dutch: where are they, mommy?? (x 500)

mama: they’ll be here soon, buddy. (x 500)

i don’t think he believed me. in fact, he tried to talk me into leaving at one point. okay, at several points. when i told him we had to wait, he got a little antsy.

okay, a lot antsy. and then the super sillies kicked in…

and they were on full blast. and he insisted that i take like 50 million pictures of him in various poses.

this here is just a small sampling. trust me.

there was no stopping the sillies. or the picture taking requests.

he was karate chopping, dancing and the whole nine.

then our friends came and he tried to be all cool mr. smooth. because that’s what dutch does. at first anyway.

then it was time to get walkin’! i didn’t tell dutch how far we’d be walking. not that he gets “miles” anyway.

we walked 2.5 miles. i have to admit that i wanted to cheat at one point and cross a huge field, but the rest of our crew didn’t seem to be down with the idea. i was really ill-equipped for such a long walk. all i had was an apple.

it didn’t matter to dutch though. i think he rather enjoyed the walk.

especially walking on the wall that surrounds the national monument. backwards, of course.

dutch interviews the mama

yesterday my 6-year-old son dutch and i were having dinner and out of the blue he just started rolling off with questions.

dutch: mom, what’s your favorite food?

mama: shrimp. i love shrimp!

dutch: what’s your favorite drink?

mama: ummmm…probably lemonade.

dutch: what’s your favorite fruit?

mama: red delicious apples. oh, and watermelon.

dutch: what’s yaya’s (his grandmother) last name?

mama: (i told him.)

dutch: well, she’s not your mother then because you don’t have the same last name.

mama: no, i married daddy so i have his last name.

he went on and on, but when he asked…

dutch: mom, who’s your favorite character on “basketball wives“?

i almost fell out of my chair laughing!

hopes & dreams for 1st grade

when dutch went to kindergarten last year his teacher had them write their hopes and dreams for their first year of school. dutch said he wanted to make new friends. not necessarily an academic goal, but okay. it’s his first year. whatever. so when i went to back-to-school night recently i saw that his 1st grade teacher had them do the same thing. some kids said they wanted to learn to read better, write better…here’s what my child wrote:

there you have it. my child hopes to have electronic day which happens about twice a year in his aftercare program (not in class) when the children get to bring in their leapsters, nintendo ds’s, etc.

was i disappointed? hecky no! because my child did a mighty fine job sounding out electronic, even though he totally missed the “e” in electronic. who knows, maybe he’ll be an engineer someday or something.

dutch’s dinner drama

dutch is super picky. i mean, super duper picky. it drives me up a wall. i’ve tried everything to get him to eat or at least try different foods, but no dice. here’s our most recent dinner conversation:

mama: you need to eat more than just the chicken on your plate, dutch. you’re getting too skinny!

dutch: i like being skinny.

mama: and why do you like being skinny, dutch?

dutch: because i can fit in the air vents.

mama: and why would you ever need to fit in the air vents, dutch?

dutch: just in case there’s ever a fire or something and i need to get out of the house!

then he went on to sing various songs of his own making:

“i’m so skinny, i can fit through a hole… i’m so skinny i can fit through a hole…”

“i like being, skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny… skinny, skinny, skinny, skinny…”