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sorry to rain on your halloween parade

but i don’t do halloween. i mean i’m just not into the whole thing. first, there’s the whole history of the holiday (which you can find here), and then all the spooky crap that comes with.

i don’t do spooky crap.

i don’t like being frightened so i refuse to watch scary movies and i don’t even like commercials for scary movies. i usually turn my head, cover my eyes or switch the channel. sometimes all three.

my husband has called me a punk on more than one occasion for closing my eyes when a “buffy the vampire slayer” commercial came on, but so what.

i didn’t always feel this way about halloween because well…what kid is going to turn up an opportunity to go around the neighborhood with all her friends, dressed in a cute costume, yelling trick or treat at the neighbors and getting free candy in return?

please, i was wonder woman for three years straight! honey, i thought i WAS wonder woman, okay? i even had a complete clown costume once, but even when i was a kid trick or treating wasn’t safe. our parents repeatedly told us to only go to the homes of people we knew because there were all kinds of weird folk out poisoning candy and giving kids apples with razor blades. i remember going through our candy with a fine tooth comb while trying to figure out what looked suspicious and tainted.

but hey, what can you expect from a holiday that celebrates everything evil? you’ve got people walking around like mummies and half-dead characters with fake blood pouring from their mouths. homes are decorated with witches and spider webs and jack-o-lanterns (which by the way came about from an old story about a man named stingy jack and the devil, did you know that?).

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