Tag Archives: humor

i wanna mush him

you know, sometimes i just wanna mush my 2 and a half year old son dutchie all upside his forehead (and sometimes i do!!).

the other morning i was rushing (as usual) and just trying to get out of the house at least sorta on time. dutch grabbed his shoes so i told him he should try putting them on himself.

mama: dutch, go ahead and try to get one shoe on by yourself.

dutch: [struggles with his shoe and is nowhere even near having the thing on right. and he’s also showing early signs of heavy frustration.]

mama: go ahead, buddy, you can do it. just try!

dutch: [totally frustrated by now.] i can’t do it!!

mama: yes, you can, dutchie. just try.

dutch: i can’t do it!!!!!

mama: dutch, don’t say that you can’t. just try!

dutch: i said i can’t do it, little girl!!!!

round 2 of wanting to mush the child all upside his forehead…

another morning i told dutch it was time to get dressed so that we could make our way to eva’s (his daycare).

mama: come on, dutch. it’s time to get dressed so let’s move it! come on, chop, chop!!!

dutch: i don’t want to. i wanna watch go diego.

mama: well, you’ll have to watch it when you get home because it’s time to get dressed so that we can go to eva’s.

dutch: no, i don’t want to go to eva’s.

mama: okay, well, fine. i’m going to go to eva’s by myself. see you later!!

dutch: bye, mama!! [still sitting on the bed watching television.]

so at this point i figured, i’ll fix him. i’ll leave out the front door and once he realizes that i’m gone and he’s home alone he’ll freak out!! as if i even had time to play these kinds of games in the mornings, but i did. our door closes really loudly so i made sure that the slam was ultra loud so he would know that i indeed had left. so i stood outside of the door waiting to hear the rumbling thunder sound of his feet coming towards the door.

no dice.

so then i thought, well, maybe he’s just standing there quietly at the door, you know, trying to feel me out. so i opened the door and there was no sign of dutch. and why? well, because his little butt was still content watching go diego go on the bed.

i just know that he would’ve missed me though, you know, like 15 minutes later when it was time to refill his milk cup.

round 3 of wanting to mush the child all upside his forehead…

today. i was planning on taking the day off just because daggone it, i need a day off! you know, to think, to breathe, to nap as long as i want and to watch “maury povich” and “oprah”. but my plans sorta changed once i noticed that dutch was coughing and wheezing and just overall not sounding 100%. what can i say, it’s the season for wheezin’ so that means it’s also time for allergy pill poppin’ and albuterol breathing treatments.

oh, spring is definitely upon us.

so this morning daddy noticed that dutch wasn’t feeling all that great:

daddy: you tell ms. eva if you don’t feel well and she’ll call me and i’ll come and get you, okay?

dutch: okay.

daddy: you don’t feel good?

dutch: [dutch shakes his head no as if he really knows what “feeling good” means. i dunno, maybe he does know what it means, but i’m kinda going with he doesn’t.]

daddy: do you wanna go to ms. eva’s?

dutch: no, i don’t wanna go to ms. eva’s.

well, see this is the kicker. daddy leaves before us in the morning so he really doesn’t know that every morning dutch says he doesn’t want to go to ms. eva’s because he would prefer to stay home and watch his vast movie collection. i mean, sure dutch was coughing this morning (and still is), but it’s not sooooooooo bad that he couldn’t really go to daycare. especially since this isn’t a cold so it’s nothing contagious. and sure enough after daddy leaves dutch says this:

dutch: mommy, can we go to chuck e. cheese’s?? to eat pizza?? and to dance??

geez louise, the kid’s a faker already.

funny things dutch says

conversing with my 2-year-old (26 months if you wanna be real anal about it) son dutch is so much fun these days. half of the time i don’t have a clue what he’s saying because he tends to make up words as fillers to describe what he’s talking about when he doesn’t know the real words. then other times it’s so clear and crisp and dead-on.

and can i just say that my child is the bossiest little 2-year-old dictator EVER? i don’t know where he gets this stuff from. he has the craziest facial expressions to go along with all of his bossiness too.

anyway, here’s mr. “boss of nothing” (as i like to call him):

mama to daddy: [daddy had said something really silly.] hahaha… shut up, you are so silly!!

dutch: mama, don’t say ‘shut-up, daddy.’

mama: you’re so right! i’m sorry, daddy, for saying shut up.

daddy: that’s right, man, you tell her!

dutch to daddy: [with the best crooked grin ever.] shut up, daddy.

mama: dutch, you just told me not to say shut up and now you’re saying it to daddy. tell daddy you’re sorry.

dutch to mama: shut up, mama.

***

mama: i’m happy, dutch, are you happy?

dutch: no, i don’t want it.

***

dutch: mama, come here!

mama: what, dutch?

dutch: don’t say ‘what, dutch?’ say ‘yes, dutch.’

lesson here: you know, when you teach a kid something it’s important that you also follow through on your own rules ’cause you know, it kinda sucks to be corrected by a 2-year-old.

***

Continue reading funny things dutch says

i’m so gucci

i was chasing dutch around this morning in my attempt to get us ready and out of the house at a decent time. it’s so not easy now that he’s an active 2-year-old. but i managed to get him still for oh probably about 32.7 seconds. just long enough to wipe him down with a soapy washcloth and then he somehow got free again.

he was running all around the house butty-naked when i was finally able to snatch him up and bring him to the bedroom to get him dressed.

dutch was giggling the whole time (because for some reason this whole running from mommy in the mornings thing is quite funny to him) and i said, “dutch, you are so goofy!!”

his response: “you gucci, mama!!”

ya just gotta love this kid…

his addiction

i can’t really remember the first time we gave dutch a popsicle, but I’m pretty sure things really picked up when he spent the weekend with his lolo and nana this past july. we went to pick him up that sunday and they announced, “he ate about 7 popsicles yesterday!!”

great!

and no, dutch’s dear grandparents didn’t just sit there and offer him popsicles every 5 to 10 minutes (which was my first guess). my little guy was quite sneaky about it. he loves ice so he’d ask for ice and once his nana opened the freezer to get out the ice, he’d grab a popsicle. not ones to say no, his lolo and nana gave dutch all the popsicles his little heart desired.

and i believe, that’s how it all started.

now we must keep popsicles in the house. we must. if there are no popsicles then there is total chaos complete with yelling, whining, crying and tantrums.

these can’t just be any ol’ run of the mill popsicle, i must add, these popsicles have to be a particular color. oh yeah, my boy is prejudice when it comes to his popsicles.

my husband had the audacity to go out and buy a box of popsicles that were purple, YELLOW [gasp!!!!], and GREEN [oh, the horror!!!]. when dutch saw those green and yellow popsicles you would’ve thought that his world had ended. that elmo had died. that calliou had been canned. that dump trucks ceased to exist. GREEN and YELLOW, PEOPLE!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!

dutch doesn’t know his colors yet, but he sure knew he didn’t want a green or yellow popsicle. excuse me, “papu…” as soon as i pulled one out of the box and tore the wrapper off all i heard was, “nooooooooooooooooooo mommy, no papu!!!”

papu = popsicles

and then he went on to beg wildly….

“peas papu, mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy… daddy, peasssssssssssssssss!!!”

peas = please

and we get this all day, every day

when he first wakes up, “peas papu, mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy… daddy, peasssssssssssssssss!!!!!”

of course we don’t give in to breakfast papus, that would just be insane. but there has been a saturday or two when he’s had one awfully early.

and it’s not always in a begging, whiny, annoying voice. sometimes it’s a cheery, bright sunshiny voice like, “papu, mommy?!” complete with the most gorgeous smile you ever want to see. And sometimes it even comes with a “I luh you, momma…”

luh = love

momma = mommy when he really, really wants something and wants to sound cute about it.

oh yeah, he knows how to work it.

as soon as i pick him up from daycare it’s the same thing every day, “peas papu, mommyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy…” i’ve tried to explain to him at least a hundred times that my honda accord did not come equipped with a freezer in which to store papus.

he doesn’t get it, nor does he care to get it.

sunday i went to the grocery store and i was on a seriously tight, tight budget. i mean, so tight i wasn’t sure i could fit in a box of 24 popsicles.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm… 24 of our usual brand of popsicles for $3.95 or 24 of X brand of popsicles 2 for $3.00. do the math. that’s $1.50, people. i went with the latter. i figured they were his usual favorite colors – red, orange and purple – so what’s there to be mad about, right? and guess what, he didn’t know the difference.

he has, however, been a bit upset lately that his father has laid down the law and set up “papu restrictions”. he can now only eat them between the hours of 10 a.m. and 8 p.m. i wonder how many he can fit in during that time?