Tag Archives: marriage

give a little love inspiration

i’ve been following black and married with kids‘ online and in social media for years. their website is chock full of good information and stories related to black marriage and families. if you’ve done the good deed by jumping the broom, you know how it is. you’ve said the vows, had the party, things are good and then you get to a space where you just plain ol’ don’t know what’s going on with your communication, you’re in a rut and you just can’t figure out how to get things on track again. well, bmwk has produced a few films that are focused on uplifting and inspiring folks to stay the course in marriage and commit to their spouses and children. there’s nothing like knowing someone else understands what you’re going through and got over it.

the black family 4-pack dvd package is now being offered at a discount ($60!) and includes: happily ever after: a positive image of black marriage, you saved me, men ain’t boys and still standing!

blackmarriedwkidsfilmshappily ever after: a positive image of black marriage takes a look at black marriage from inside and outside of the community.

you saved me is a collection of love stories that speak to marital challenges and triumphs.

still standing features kindred the family soul, arrested development’s speech, yolanda thomas and more and shows couples conversing on how they made it through when others have failed.

men ain’t boys offers a look at issues such as stereotypes surrounding manhood, the results of effective fatherhood and the requirements for maintaining lasting love, relationships and marriages.

also, in early 2014 bmwk is offering new year, new marriage, a dvd and workbook set that couples can use at home to strengthen their marriages.

NYNMSet

 

my husband and the accidental drop

a very interesting thing happened yesterday evening during dutch‘s football practice. i was gathering my things to leave, you know, folding my little chair (’cause it’s a must have if your child is in sports), telling my husband i’d see him when they got home because we drove separately, dug around in my purse for my keys, pulled them out and then…

i looked to find my husband scrambling on the ground and mumbling rather low, “oh God!!!!!” for a split second i wasn’t sure what was going on. was he trying to save me from a rabid skunk that was attempting to tear at my ankles and spray me with stankiness? did one of those massive dragonflies that seem to love swarming a little too close for my liking finally break into my personal space box? just what exactly was going on?

and then i noticed that he picked something up quickly from the ground and stuffed it rather aggressively into my purse.

it was this…

yep, a harmless ol’ pad aka sanitary napkin aka the thing that all men fear. well, most anyway.

i said to him, “geesh, it’s not like it’s used!!” okay, that was gross. but that’s what i said and he responded, “so?!?! nobody wants to see that!”

wait, was that embarrassment that i saw flash across his face? could it be that he was worried that the dad sitting next to me who we had become chummy with had actually witnessed the accidental drop of the pad?!

you would’ve thought that i mooned the entire ankle biter football league and their mamas.

get outta here! it’s a pad! i guarantee you that he would’ve never reacted that way to me dropping say…a diaper!

so what exactly is it with men that makes them totally cringe at unused pads and tampons? is it that they’re imagining them already soiled? i don’t get it, it’s just paper and plastic. i think.

okay, forget its contents. i have no clue what those things are made of, but you get where i’m going with this, right? pad and tampons are absolutely harmless, but men would rather forget their very existence. in fact, most men would prefer to never have to purchase them and i’m sure they look away quickly as if they’d turn to stone upon spotting one in the bathroom.

it’s kinda funny when you think about it. men. they love their shoot ’em up action and horror films. they watch boxers beat each other to a pulp. gut fish and stand over a vat hot grease to deep fry them. some shoot ducks and other harmless little animals. a large majority will roll around in funky mud during an outdoor game of paintball fighting or football. they get tatted up and branded all over their bodies…but pads? they’re the real kryptonite.

{3} is your communication on point?

if you’ve been following me here at all, you know i started a little “things you should know before jumpin’ the broom” series and well, finally, here’s #3.

so you’ve heard it a million times: communication is key in a relationship, and in a marriage, communication is paramount. if you don’t have it now, trust me, your relationship will suffer a slow, pitiful death. or maybe even a quick death depending on just how bad the non-communication is.

unless you and your man learn now how to communicate effectively through counseling or some type of osmosis you’re going to have big time marital problems in the future.

there are lots of talks to be had in a marriage like managing bills, how to discipline the children, when to purchase a new car, what insurance to go with, where to live… you get my drift. but there’s the small stuff too like, which way the toilet paper should hang and who’s going to walk the dog. if you’re fussing and fighting over the little things now, just imagine how difficult it will be to discuss the things that really matter.

how you communicate, just another thing to think about before jumping the broom!

{2} is he your personal style critic?

via Stasea Noelle on Pinterest

he’s with you, so he must dig your style, right? hmmmm…maybe.

at the core of it all, my style is generally the same, but you know how it is, we dress for our moods, where we’re going, who we’re seeing. what we wear to visit grandma isn’t always the same thing we wear to have drinks at happy hour with the girls.

and maybe, just maybe, the man prefers the visit to grandma’s look better.

does ever your man ever make subtle comments about what you wear? maybe that skirt’s a little too short for his taste and he suggests a longer one, the shirt’s cut a little too low and he’s throwing a turtleneck your way…in the summer. jeans are a little too tight and he’s making comments about how he doesn’t want other dudes looking at his [insert his favorite butt term here ].

well, you can best believe if he’s got you running into the closet to find something that’s more suitable to his taste now, once you’ve gone from girlfriend to wife, it’s gonna get deeper.

but maybe it’s not even about the length of your skirt or that the twins are peeking out too much. maybe your hair is natural and he’d like to see you a little more…smoothed out. or vice versa. maybe he’d like for you to give up the weave and get twists.

maybe you like hitting up thrift stores and vintage shops more these days, but he’s not gettin’ it and has a totally different idea of how he’d like you to look. you know, a little less solange and a lot more beyonce.

so if he’s all up in your style now, that’s just another thing to think about before jumpin’ the broom!

{1} can you be without him?

here we are at #1 in the think about it before jumpin’ the broom! and the first thing is: can you be without him?

now please notice that i didn’t ask, “can you live without him?” of course, you can live without him! you’re not gonna die without this man that you’re thinking of marrying. i know, i know… he’s fine, got swag and intelligence, a pretty decent bank account, romances you to the moon and yeah, he’s fine. but you could live without him, you know, if you had to.

well, i take that back. i’m sure there are some extreme cases of women who have died from not having that one particular man they just loved so (anything’s possible, right?), but i’m banking on you not being that woman. and that’s not what i mean anyway.

what i’m asking you is, can you be without him without him calling you every five minutes?

does he not let you be…even for a minute? is he ringing your phone off the hook with questions like, “hey, where are you?,” “where are you going?,” “who are you with?,” “how long will you be gone?,” “what time you coming back?” as soon as you leave?

yeah? well, guess what, honey, chances are it’s going to get worse before it gets a whole lot better.

and hey, maybe that’s okay with you. perhaps you measure his love for you by how many times a day he calls you. maybe you think him checking in on you every half hour while you’re trying to hang out with your girls is…i dunno…cute. it could be that that type of thing doesn’t bother you not one wee bit. but if it does, then i suggest you think about it before jumping the broom.

 

think about it before jumpin’ the broom!

the idea to write “think about it before jumpin’ the broom!” all started after having a conversation with one of my girls. she mentioned that she and her man had been talking about marriage and i told her “that’s all fine and dandy and thangs, but before you say ‘i do’ we need to go out and have tea so i can run down 101 things you need to think about first.”

now i’m no expert at this marriage thing, but i’ve been married for a few years (7 to be exact) and about half my girlfriends are married so i’ve experienced, witnessed, or at least have heard quite a few things, you know?

girlfriend laughed and said she was looking forward to it, but the only thing was, i’d have to come up with 101 things first! so that night, just as a challenge to myself, i aimed to come up with a list of 101 things. and i did. because i’m determined.

i’m just not sure if i’m willing to share all 101 of them, but i’ll get into a big chunk of ’em.

now i’m not saying that any of these things should deter you from getting married. i’m just saying that before you run off to spend more than your bank account can even handle on a wedding gown and that lovely pair of christian louboutins you should consider a few things first.

look, we’re all different, and each woman has her own personal threshold of what she’s willing to deal with in her relationship with her man. what might be a major issue to you, may not be that big of a deal to me and vice versa. what i want to do is just give you a little food for thought, as cliché as that is. some points i write about may be serious, some may just be downright silly, but i’m just saying think about it. ain’t no harm in thinking, right?

now if you were hoping that i’d just spill all 101 things in this here post, well, i’m sorry to disappoint. it’s gonna be a lil’ series. so come back often and tell a friend.

oh, and girlfriend, i hope you’re listening. 😉