Tag Archives: mom

here i stand: the worst mama on the planet


life is way beyond stressful right now. there’s constant job hunting and general frustration over that, my dear husband has (understandably) added home searching into the mix, opportunities have come up that need to be weighed…heavily. i have a million ideas of what i could be doing, but i’m in such a frazzled state that i can think of two million reasons why they won’t work.

bills keep coming in as sure as the sun rises, ankle biter football has become more of a stress point in my life than i would’ve ever imagined. who knew? maybe i’ll post on that later. and of course the regular ol’ day-to-day stuff that keeps my mind spinning.


so last thursday i treated the day like any other school day. got dutch up and ironed his clothes, made his lunch. walked the dog. dropped dutch off at school. you know, the regular routine stuff. it was only when i picked him up that i noticed the big, flashing notice on that electronic sign that sits in front of the school building that said:


wait. i thought to myself. is today wednesday or thursday? surely i did NOT forget freakin’ picture day!

i mean, really? who does that?

me obviously.

not only did i forget to make sure that my child looked extra snazzy that day for his second grade picture, but daggone it, the picture order form was right there on my dining table. blank. no enclosed check or nothing.

things like this usually get dutch all upset and bothered. he’s usually all, “mooooom!! you forgot?! how did you forget??” i mean, it’s not often that i forget the important stuff, but when i do (like the time i left his lunch on the counter and sent him off to school without it and he ended up having a bag of popcorn for lunch. *sigh*) he’s pretty good at giving me all kinds of guilt trips. and i take it ’cause he’s right.

so i walked over to him on the playground all worried that he’d be disappointed and started apologizing immediately. do they even let kids take a picture if they’re not paying for them? will his picture even be in the yearbook that dutch so looks forward to getting every year? i wasn’t sure. but dutch said that he did at least take the picture. whew! it wasn’t like he had to sit in the classroom alone while all of his classmates lined up with their shiny picture-taking outfits, waving good-bye to him like he was the broke kid whose parents couldn’t at least afford the $20 picture packet.

thank goodness.

and it’s not like picture day is a one shot deal either. even if they don’t have a make-up day, they do have personality picture day closer to the end of the school year so all is not lost.

but still.

how did i let this slip by? dutch, surprisingly, didn’t make much of a fuss about it although i’m sure he will once the pictures come in and he doesn’t have any. and i’m sure this sounds like not such a big deal to a lot of folks, but i typically pride myself on being on top of these sorta things.

it’s not that we NEED another picture. in fact, dutch just had football pictures taken recently and i’m constantly snappin’ new pics of dutch. it’s just the principle of it all. like, how in the world could i have forgotten about picture day? my mother would’ve never.

i think parents often feel pangs of guilt over stuff they shoulda woulda coulda done and this was definitely one of those moments for me. i know if i wasn’t feeling so stressed all the daggone time i would’ve remembered. forgetting picture day was a huge reminder that i need to slow down a bit. pay closer attention to things that matter. shut out some of the clutter and buzz-y crap that’s swimming around in my mind.

do better.

one camera and two goofies

i’ve been chasing my child around with my camera since the day he was born. in his first year i had over 2,000 pictures.

stalker-ish much? you know it.

now i’ve got a handy dandy camera remote thanks to the husband and there’s no need to chase dutch around. now all i have to do is get him to sit still for a few minutes. and that’s just what we did last week ’cause… well, we ain’t have nothin’ else to do.

dutch & mama

dutch & mama

dutch & mama

dutch & mama

dutch & mama

dutch & mama

it didn’t take him long to master the whole self-portrait thing.



best friends, eh?

so i mentioned the other day that my 2-year-old son dutch has started to call me his best friend. and yes, it’s cute and yes, it warms my heart every time he says it. well, almost every time. i’m feeling a little manipulated by my best friend now. check this out:

example #1 of best friend manipulation:

mama: [working on her laptop. just minding her own business.]
dutch: [pulling mama’s books off of the bookshelf.]
mama: dutch, i’ve told you not to touch mama’s books. you can get one of your books (that have their very own section on the bookshelf), but i don’t want you bothering my books.
dutch: [still bothering mama’s books and starting to reorganize them by placing them every which-a way on the shelf.]
mama: dutch, don’t do that!
dutch: [cocking his head to one side, furrowing his brow, screwing his lips up a bit, and throwing his hands up…] we best friends!!!

example #2 of best friend manipulation:

mama: [still working on her laptop. just mind her own business.]
dutch: [shutting the laptop, while mama is typing.]
mama: dutch, why’d you do that? you can’t close the laptop while i’m typing!
dutch: [cocking his head to one side, furrowing his brow, screwing his lips up a bit, and throwing his hand up…] we best friends!!!

see, he wants me to believe that just because “we best friends” that i’m just supposed to let him do whatever he wants. now what kinda best friend is that? or maybe he just needs a little attention. i dunno. with 2-year-olds it’s sometimes hard to tell.

abused by my “best friend”

i can count on one hand how many physical fights i’ve been involved in in my life so to be struck on any part of my body is quite a jolt to my system. but somehow my body is becoming accustomed to being hit. you know, a quick knee jab to my chest, or a sippy cup thrown at full force that lands square on the nose, or being smacked in the face (accidentally or not). over the past several months i’ve been jumped on, kicked and climbed like a freakin’ monkey bar.

i’m talking life with a toddler boy.

dutch has gone through several phases of what i would categorize as parent abuse. there was the biting phase that came about while he was nursing. i don’t think i need to go into great detail on this one. my baby had four teeth at four months and those suckers keep on coming in. i nursed for a year. so you can do the pain math. i suppose since he had new chompers he figured why not try them out. on mama.

i suppose i forgave him for all the bites, but then he graduated to trying out the chompers on any body part that was readily available…like an arm or a thigh. these weren’t exactly good times here.

then came the pinching phase. i guess he was learning about textures and the cause and effect of squeezing his fingers together tightly with a piece of human flesh between them. this phase was short-lived, thank goodness, but still painful and oh-so-annoying.

next up, the smacking phase. this one lasted a bit longer than the others. we’d be out and i’d be holding my oh-so-cute son and we’d be having a grand time until he’d start to reach for something that i felt he didn’t need to have, i’d say no, and then i’d get smacked. in the face. you know, in public with people watching.

when you’re child is under one and this happens, there’s really no recourse. i mean, really, what can you do? put him on time out? in his crib? and if your child’s age is supposed to equate to the amount of time that he spends in time out, what do you do for an 11-month-old? sit him in his high-chair for 40 seconds? this whole thing was lost on me.

now most of the abuse that i endure from dutch is more accidental. like when he climbs on me and i get an elbow to the eyeball. or the head butt that occurs after he rushes over to me, climbs over the couch where i’m sitting. but we’ve taught him well, so whenever he causes me a bit of pain (which tends to happen several times in a day) he says, “i’m sorry, mommy…i’m sorry…i’m sorry.” and he’ll give me a little kiss wherever the throbbing is happening in that particular moment from the matchbox car that was accidentally tossed. at my nose.

but no apology he’s given yet can match the one i got yesterday. we were laying on the bed watching shrek and he pulled my neck over to him so that i could rest on his itty bitty shoulder. he tugged my neck so hard that i thought he pulled something and i yelled out “ouch, dutch!!!”

dutch: “i’m sorry, mommy.”

mama: “it’s okay.”

dutch: “i love you, mommy. you’re my best friend.”

it’s hard to feel pain when you’re feeling all warm and sunshiney from the love of your 2-year-old son.